Welcome to the Euro preview series. Many people consider the Euros to be the premier soccer competition, even better than the World Cup. Those people would be Europeans. Turns out Europeans and SEC fanbases aren’t that different after all. But, just because it’s annoying doesn’t make it wrong and the Euros are must-watch. It is the perfect competition for people new to soccer or skeptical that soccer is worth following.
First, it’s easy to pick a country you’ve visited or have ties to (however distant) and follow them throughout the 4-week tournament rather than having to pick a club you know nothing about and follow them for a 38 match season that lasts 8 months. Second, there’s matches every day during times when there’s nothing else on. I know that everyone that reads this is 100% focused at work every day. But, if you’re on summer vacation or inclined to take a break (or three), there’s a match at 9am, 12pm, and 3pm every day starting this Saturday until the end of June. Give it a try. You’ll be surprised when you start googling Hungarian words or telling your friends you’re cheering for Scotland because you’re great-great grandpa was related to William Wallace’s neighbor. And, if not, posts related to your interests coming soon as well. To Germany we go:
Group A is the home of the hosts Germany along with Scotland, Switzerland, and Hungary. As is traditional, the hosts were gifted the easiest group. Anything less than finishing first in this group would be disastrous for the Germans. Not that the Germans have ever been a part of disasters. Toni Kroos coming back for a farewell tournament on home soil is the leading storyline for Germany, but relying on Kai Havertz to score goals is the equivalent of an Iowa first-down. It happens, but when it does you’re confused how they made it look so hard/why it doesn’t happen more often. Germany should qualify easily out of this group with 9 points (3 wins). How far they go from there is up for debate and the refs.
Scotland qualifying for the Euros in back to back tournaments is a huge accomplishment. Doing so by beating Spain 2-0 in Glasgow is an even bigger accomplishment. Being placed in a group with the hosts of the tournament is quite the Scottish result. Despite their luck, the Scots have an underrated team led by several established premier league players. I debated calling them stars but calling Scott McTominay a star would be like calling Papa John’s gourmet. Like Papa John’s though McTominay has been there for Scotland when they need it and is always better at home. He scored 7 goals for Scotland in qualifying and was relatively prolific for a horrendous Manchester United team this season. Unfortunately for McTominay the tournament is in Germany and I doubt Papa John’s delivers. A name not many people may know for Scotland is Lawrence Shankland who has scored 24 goals in back to back seasons for Edinburgh-based club Hearts. A bet on Shankland to score against Hungary or Switzerland could fund your pizza.
I’m not gonna transition to Hungary here out of self-respect, but know that I thought about it. So, the Swiss. Unlikely to be many people’s favorite team in this tournament, but they have some players you may recognize in Xherdan Shaqiri and Manuel Akanji. Akanji is fresh off a successful season with the UAE’s and every 8-year old American’s favorite team, Manchester City, but a defender can only impact a team so much when it’s lacking in other areas. Shaqiri has moved on to assisted living in the MLS, but he might still have a couple moments of magic left in him. Such as this:
The Swiss won’t win a match. 3 and out seems likely. [Insert Iowa Joke].
Now, Hungary. After going almost 40 years without qualifying for the Euros, Hungary are set to play in their third straight tournament. Only Hungarians knew that stat. Led by Liverpool’s Dominik Szoboszlai (you’ll see a Tik Tok of people trying to pronounce his name at some point this summer I’m sure), Hungary will be competitive. Their match against Scotland on June 23rd will decide who qualifies alongside Germany from this group. It’s a shame though that Hungary will be playing in the blandest kits of Euro 2024. Hungary v. Switzerland at 9am on June 15th is one for the true fans (degenerates). If you’re watching that know that I am proud.
Prediction: 1) Germany 2) Scotland 3) Hungary 4) Switzerland
Best Bet: Switzerland to finish last in Group A (+350)
Georgia-ish 