Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming. Group D, home to France, The Netherlands, Poland, and Austria should be the most free-flowing of the groups at this edition of the Euros (now you can all lock-in 0-0 draws for every game in Group D).
If England to win wasn’t the most profitable bet of all time for sportsbooks all around the world, the French would be the favorites to win it all. Still, as long as they don’t let Rudy Gobert or Adrien Rabiot’s mom within 10-miles of the team they should cruise into the semi-finals of this tournament.
Despite wasting his club career to this point at PSG, Kylian Mbappe is the best player in the world. In Germany, he’s going to put on a preview of what’s to come next season at his new up and coming club, Real Madrid. Mbappe’s Kevin Durant-impression aside, France will have the deepest squad in Germany this summer. Antoine Griezmann might be the most underrated player in the world, and he will be able to roam free in the French midfield to dictate play and create chances for Mbappe, Ousmane Dembele, and likely Bradley Barcola. The French defense is just as strong, although coach Didier Deschamps’s insistence on playing Dayot Umpamecano over Arsenal’s William Saliba is Tom Crean-esque. Chelsea and Leicester City legend N’golo Kante’s return to the national team also gives us an excuse to re-listen to this banger from the 2018 World Cup:
Next, the Dutch come limping into this tournament after their two best midfielders, Frenkie De Jong and Teun Koopmeiners, both were injured in pre-tournament practice. Since finishing in third-place in the 2014 World Cup, Holland’s best win was against Gregg Berhalter and the United States in the round of 16 in Qatar. Considering my golden retriever could come up with better tactics than coach double G, that’s a resume that would get you sent to the NIT. Still, the Dutch have plenty of pedigree and their defense is strong with a center back pairing of Liverpool’s Virgil Van Djik and light-blue oil club’s Nathan Ake. Inter Milan’s Denzel Dumfries and Bayer Leverkusen breakout star Jeremie Frimpong round out the defense and should cause problems for teams.
But, as is the issue with 99% of other teams in this tournament the Netherlands lack a true goal scorer. When Memphis Depay chooses to play, he is among the most talented players in the world. Unfortunately, Depay plays like the Memphis Grizzlies the majority of the time (the Morant-less Grizzlies to be clear). If Cody Gakpo can find some of his tournament magic he had in Qatar this team could reach the quarterfinals.
A wildcard in this tournament is Austria. They have only lost one match in the past calendar year, including an impressive 2-0 win against Germany last November. Still, most people would struggle to name more than 2 or 3 players in this squad. Long-time Austrian captain David Alaba is injured and won’t play in this year’s tournament, so maybe the Austrians should consider getting back together with their old pals Hungary. Even still, former Stoke City striker Marko Arnautovic is capable of magic on his day, and Austria may surprise a few in this group. Plus, there are rumors that Manchester United want to sign Arnautovic, which as we all know players that sign for Ten Haag’s Manchester United are always destined for success. RIP to your career if you go to Old Trafford sir, but at least he’s already done it on a rainy night in Stoke:
Poland may very well be the worst team in Euro 2024. Robert Lewandowski is the name everyone knows, but he’s unquestionably in decline at this stage of his career. MLS beckons Robert. Beyond Lewandowski, the Polish side reads like a mid-level MAC school. Kent State isn’t winning too many games in the SEC, and neither is Poland in the Euros. Atlanta United’s Bartosz Slisz is in the Polish squad for this year’s tournament, that is not good. Even Gregg Berhalter isn’t calling up Atlanta United players anymore. Enjoy Lewandowski’s last major tournament. It will probably be Poland’s last for awhile as well.
Prediction: 1) France 2) Netherlands 3) Austria 4) Poland
Best Bet: Poland to lose all group games (+400)
Georgia-ish 