Hawks: First of the Worst

I thought that we had witnessed the most Atlanta Hawks feat of all time when the Hawks won the lottery with only a 3% chance of doing so. Of course they did in the worst draft in the past decade. No, the Hawks couldn’t have possibly been given the number one pick in the Wemby draft or the Ant draft or the Zion draft. That wouldn’t be allowed in Atlanta. Hell, Adam Silver is even shutting down the best NBA team in Atlanta, Inside the NBA. Never forget that Zion wanted to be a Hawk:

Even still, I was excited that the Hawks would have the first pick in the draft for the first time ever. I wasn’t too concerned with the relative weakness of the draft pool, because as a Hawks fan any type of victory is exciting. We are so rarely ever in the national spotlight that I thought any positive attention is good attention. Even Jason Pierre-Paul can count on his fingers (and maybe a couple toes) the amount of national TV games the Hawks have participated in. Although, he’d need to give up fireworks to count the amount of times we’ve all been subjected to a Heat-Celtics and Lakers-Warriors double-header.

However, the Hawks are always going to out-Hawk even your wildest dreams. Not only did the Hawks manage to win the lottery in the one year it wouldn’t be a franchise altering moment, they also have somehow managed to alienate the consensus top-prospect into not wanting to join their team, Eli Manning style. Alex Sarr, you’re dead to me. Sarr is so repulsed by the idea of playing with Trae Young that he’s actively choosing to go and play with Jordan Poole (possibly the most unserious player in the NBA) in Washington DC. Yet, I’m supposed to believe that Trae is a player that is going to attract superstars to Atlanta and win us a championship. Trae can’t even convince a guy to come be drafted first-overall. Maybe Trae and Geoff Collins can hangout and brainstorm ideas on how to recruit teenagers to Atlanta. It clearly worked out for Coach Waffle House!

So, what do we do? The franchise that has been so prolific in drafting superstars such as Pau Gasol and Luka Doncic. Ah, shit we traded them. Never mind, the franchise that has drafted NBA-ish players such as Marvin Williams, Sheldon Williams, Cam Reddish, Deandre Hunter, and John Jenkins does not inspire any confidence. Not even a little bit of maybe this time it’ll be better confidence like we’ve had with every Deandre Hunter off-season. Or like Georgia Basketball (unfortunately more on that later this year). No, the Hawks being on the clock on draft night is like watching Josh Smith take a 3. The whole arena boos as he lines it up and then boos again when the airball happens.

With that being said, I guess I can speak into the ether what I want the Hawks to do. First, forget Sarr. If he wants to be a diva and go and watch Jordan Poole take 35 fadeaway 30-footers a game and pass up the chance to watch Trae Young shoot 10 40-footers a game, his loss. This leaves the Hawks with three options. Well, maybe four options but I have very little hope that the Hawks would actually do what they need to do and trade both Dejounte Murray AND Trae Young, so we’ll stick with three options.

First, draft Zach Risacher. The 19-year old frenchman is a fluid athlete with room to grow into his 6-9 frame. Many draft experts project him as a 3 and D player, but his 3-point shot isn’t as consistent as I’d like to see from a potential number one pick. The last time we drafted a top-5 player to be a 3 and D specialist we quickly realized he didn’t know how to dribble or pass. Thanks, Tony Bennett. We’re about to be in year six and Deandre Hunter still doesn’t know how to do these things so don’t get any big ideas about the Hawks being able to teach Risacher anything other than how to stand around and watch Trae dribble.

But, in a draft that is going to see two bench guards from Kentucky go in the top-5 (Rob Dillingham could be the best player in this draft but please Hawks do not draft another small guard). Risacher might be the best of bad options. Like the movie you finally choose on Netflix at 10:30 after starting to scroll at 8:30. And, like that Netflix movie there’s little chance he’s any good.

When the Hawks got the first pick, I thought to myself at least we’ll get to be on TV more (thanks Bally, you idiots), but then I realized I should lower my expectations to be that hopefully people know who Risacher is by the end of the 2024-25 season. For those of you who don’t, here’s some video:

Because, as we all know, Europeans could never be the face of the Hawks franchise (or Luka would be a Hawk apparently), the second option for the Hawks would be to take Uconn’s two-time national champion (we like those around here, Go Dawgs) center Donovan Clingan with the first pick. As a player, Clingan makes a lot of sense for the Hawks as someone that can clean up Trae’s lack, void, black hole, etc. of defense and be an athletic lob threat for what Trae does better than anyone in the NBA, pick and roll. But as a number one pick? That would be truly Hawksian. Clingan is seen as a late top-10 pick and taking him number one overall would be a huge stretch. Some “experts” claim that if you know who your guy is you should take him no matter the pick. Those “experts” probably still think that Ben Simmons can make a three in an NBA game.

Instead, let’s go to option three, which is my preferred option for the Hawks. That is to trade the number 1 pick, move down in the first round, and get Clingan. I know, trusting the Hawks to trade effectively is a big ask. This is the franchise that thought they were geniuses because they turned Luka Doncic into Trae Young and Cam Reddish (that’s AAU hall of famer Cam Reddish to y’all). This is also the franchise that traded Kevin Huerter because they forgot how to count their own payroll. Red velvet, I miss you come back pls. So, bear with me here. The Hawks (due to another ridiculous trade for Dejounte Murray) don’t own their first round pick next season. By trading the number one pick to San Antonio, and allowing them to create a French embassy in Texas (you like that Ted Cruz?), the Hawks could re-coup next year’s pick and gain the #4 pick in this year’s draft to use on Clingan.

If you made it this far, why? But also, I know deeply your pain and suffering with the incompetence of this organization. It won’t get any better, but at least ESPN has been forced to talk about us! Kind of, at least. I think I still saw several what if Bronny and Lebron ate Cherrios instead of Frosted Mini-Wheats for breakfast segments today.

Go Hawks.

Cry Luka Cry

Oh man, there might not be a better feeling in sports than petty vindication. The NBA media has finally turned on its savior, Luka Doncic. I could not be happier.

Not only is Luka not going to win a championship this year, but people are finally choosing to criticize him. He is no doubt a very talented player, but the free pass he continued to get from the media for whining after every-single-play and not even attempting to play defense was infuriating. We’re still a couple steps away from them realizing maybe he’s just a Westbrookian stat stuffer and not actually a winning player, but I have renewed faith we might just get there one day. Sometimes hope is all you have in sports. Trust me I’m a Hawks fan. For those that might say “you’re just bitter”. Duh. Check back in with me when Luka Donbrick is in the nickname hall of fame with Mr. Westbrick.

Brian Windhorst, thank you for your brave words. I hope the Bill Simmons-led Luka mafia doesn’t have you disappear Boeing-style. In the meantime, please also look at this stat:

Trae Rings: 0 Luka Rings: 0. “Hawks win 0-0” tomorrow’s headline in the Atlanta Journal Constitution.

A Hawks Fan’s Guide to the NBA Finals

So, I would imagine that this is going to be a yearly segment. Every Hawks fan at this point in the year has either forgotten the Hawks exist or is trying to figure out what foreign center the Hawks are going to waste a second-round pick on (hopefully not this is a sad existence). Alpha Kaba we’re looking at you, sir. But, since they moved to Atlanta the Hawks have never made a finals. In fact, the Hawks have only ever won two games in the Conference Finals (would’ve made the finals if Trae didn’t sprain his ankle or if Lebron played football at Ohio State instead). This leaves us with the yearly task of trying to figure out which team winning in June makes us feel better about ourselves. Let me make this decision for you.

2024 is going to be particularly tough in this department: we have the Celtics and the Mavs. It says a lot about the Hawks that our fanbase would consider the Celtics one of our biggest rivals. The Celtics probably think about the Hawks as much as the Dawgs think about Vandy (for the uneducated google Vandy o-line Alabama). Although, I’d argue that Zaza Pachulia gave KG a bigger scare than James Franklin did to Todd Grantham. Examples of both below for your own entertainment/decision. Thank you for your service at Florida btw Todd.

Hawks (at least the Atlanta version) have never beaten the Celtics in a playoff series, 0-9. The Celtics were also responsible for Dominique never getting past the second round in Atlanta. A feat Joel Embiid is determined to accomplish as well. Now, you also have to consider the whole Boston sports fan thing, but eh who cares if they win another one. Tatum and Brown probably deserve to finally win one and Jrue Holiday seems like a good guy. Peyton Pritchard looks like he should be asking for the next game at the Y though.

This leaves Dallas. As a former Trae Young truther, this has been painful. Particularly so that a future Hawk, Anthony Edwards, put up such a pitiful fight in defending his hometown’s honor in the last round. Shoutout KAT for absolutely nothing.

Draft night 2018 will haunt Hawks fans for eternity. For years with a straight face I tried to rationalize the fact that the Hawks didn’t trade Trae for unnamed guard, LD. “We also got Cam Reddish and what turned into Deandre Hunter!” AAU-legend Cam Reddish is going to be coaching AAU in 12 months, and Deandre Hunter couldn’t dribble through a cone drill at any of the local basketball camps happening this summer. Hawks gonna Hawk.

There were several voices post-2018 draft that said LD wouldn’t fit in Atlanta, and that it made sense for the Hawks to trade for assets and someone proven in the college game. But uh, the dude that lost to Rhode Island in the first round of the NCAA tournament v. the guy who won a Euroleague title where they’re literally allowed to shoot flares at you is an interesting choice.

This leaves us an existential question. Are we going to be bitter and cheer against a player and a team who has no actual rivalry with the Hawks? Or are we going to cheer against our rival who doesn’t even know a rivalry exists?

If you’re a Hawks fan you better be dressed as a Leprechaun if you have to be.

Hawks won the trade. Celtics in 4. (7).