Euro 2024: Group B Preview

The “group of death” at this year’s Euros is Group B with Italy, Spain, Croatia, and Albania. Italy and Spain combined have won 5 Euros and been to 8 finals. Croatia has been less impressive in the Euros, but has exceeded all expectations in the past two world cups with a second-place and third-place finish respectively. Albania on the other hand is playing in just its second ever major tournament. Congrats, but being drawn into this group is like getting your first paycheck and learning about taxes. Still got paid though Albanians.

Let’s start with the reigning champs, the Italians. For many, this will be their team of choice for the tournament. Every two years between the World Cup and the Euros the only places selling more Peroni than Rome are the cities filled with wannabe Italians up and down the East Coast from Leesburg, Virginia to Staten Island. Before we face the reality of this version of the Azzurri we must re-visit the excellent rendition of England’s “It’s Coming Home” from the last tournament after Italy beat the English on penalties in the final:

This is a new and unproven Italian team. Its strength is in the midfield where it can rely on Nicolo Barella and Jorginho to pull the strings. Watching the Italians play though is going to be similar to watching Daniel Day Lewis’s Lincoln. Nothing happens the whole time but you know someone dies at the end. Unfortunately, the Italians aren’t going to be able to score goals by relying on West Ham reject (although fantastically named) Gianluca Scamacca or Genoa’s Mateo Retegui. The Italians get out of the group but they might consider declining their invitation to the play. It doesn’t end well in the round of 16.

Next, we have another of European soccer’s royalty that boasts an unproven generation of players, the Spanish. Favorites to win this group at most books (all legitimate books), Spain are relying on an exciting young core of players including 16-year old Lamine Yamal. I know, he’s no Freddy Adu, but the Philadelphia Union only have so many roster spots. Spain are likely going to struggle like the Italians to score goals, but their play will be more exciting in the process. Nico Williams is a big reason for that and not only is the Basque product Spain’s most electric player, he has one of the best stories you’ll find. Plus he can do this:

Spain will win this group, and could win the whole thing if they can find enough goals. P.S. I can’t write the Spain preview and not mention Rodri. The best holding midfielder in the world has only lost one match in his last 75 appearances. Unfortunately, that was also his most recent.

Don’t forget the Croatians. Although, they’re all 90-years old so forgive them if they forget you. Luka Modric is deservedly still the first name on the team sheet (line-up) for Croatia, but after playing a reduced role at Real Madrid this past season there are valid concerns over whether he can lead Croatia on yet another underdog story. I have another familiar issue that I must point out, Croatia also don’t know who is going to score goals. The group of death might actually refer to all of us after having to watch these teams play each other.

This tournament might be a step too far for Croatia’s aging core. Modric, Mateo Kovacic, and Marcelo Brozovic still form a solid midfield that will be tough to breakdown similar to stopping the old guy at the Y’s midrange jumper. But, unfortunately Croatia can’t leave after 45 minutes. Croatia qualify as a third-place team but it’s a swift exit after that.

Last and least, Albania. As college football tries to make the pay-for-play games extinct, it warms the heart to see Europeans keeping the tradition strong. There’s no better self-esteem boost than hanging 50 on New Mexico St. (unless you’re Auburn), and for three teams that are going to struggle to score goals playing Albania is just what they need. The Albanians though are led by Fulham-loanee Armando Broja who was Fulham’s best player this season if you get your news from Albanians commenting on Fulham’s social media. If you live in reality, you’d see Broja made 8 appearances and scored 0 goals. But, Albania should be ecstatic to be in this tournament and cash the check they deserve in honor of all the Sun Belt teams that have gone before them.

Prediction: 1) Spain 2) Italy 3) Croatia 4) Albania

Best Bet: Nico Williams Spain’s top goalscorer (+1200)

Euro 2024: Group A Preview

Welcome to the Euro preview series. Many people consider the Euros to be the premier soccer competition, even better than the World Cup. Those people would be Europeans. Turns out Europeans and SEC fanbases aren’t that different after all. But, just because it’s annoying doesn’t make it wrong and the Euros are must-watch. It is the perfect competition for people new to soccer or skeptical that soccer is worth following.

First, it’s easy to pick a country you’ve visited or have ties to (however distant) and follow them throughout the 4-week tournament rather than having to pick a club you know nothing about and follow them for a 38 match season that lasts 8 months. Second, there’s matches every day during times when there’s nothing else on. I know that everyone that reads this is 100% focused at work every day. But, if you’re on summer vacation or inclined to take a break (or three), there’s a match at 9am, 12pm, and 3pm every day starting this Saturday until the end of June. Give it a try. You’ll be surprised when you start googling Hungarian words or telling your friends you’re cheering for Scotland because you’re great-great grandpa was related to William Wallace’s neighbor. And, if not, posts related to your interests coming soon as well. To Germany we go:

Group A is the home of the hosts Germany along with Scotland, Switzerland, and Hungary. As is traditional, the hosts were gifted the easiest group. Anything less than finishing first in this group would be disastrous for the Germans. Not that the Germans have ever been a part of disasters. Toni Kroos coming back for a farewell tournament on home soil is the leading storyline for Germany, but relying on Kai Havertz to score goals is the equivalent of an Iowa first-down. It happens, but when it does you’re confused how they made it look so hard/why it doesn’t happen more often. Germany should qualify easily out of this group with 9 points (3 wins). How far they go from there is up for debate and the refs.

Scotland qualifying for the Euros in back to back tournaments is a huge accomplishment. Doing so by beating Spain 2-0 in Glasgow is an even bigger accomplishment. Being placed in a group with the hosts of the tournament is quite the Scottish result. Despite their luck, the Scots have an underrated team led by several established premier league players. I debated calling them stars but calling Scott McTominay a star would be like calling Papa John’s gourmet. Like Papa John’s though McTominay has been there for Scotland when they need it and is always better at home. He scored 7 goals for Scotland in qualifying and was relatively prolific for a horrendous Manchester United team this season. Unfortunately for McTominay the tournament is in Germany and I doubt Papa John’s delivers. A name not many people may know for Scotland is Lawrence Shankland who has scored 24 goals in back to back seasons for Edinburgh-based club Hearts. A bet on Shankland to score against Hungary or Switzerland could fund your pizza.

I’m not gonna transition to Hungary here out of self-respect, but know that I thought about it. So, the Swiss. Unlikely to be many people’s favorite team in this tournament, but they have some players you may recognize in Xherdan Shaqiri and Manuel Akanji. Akanji is fresh off a successful season with the UAE’s and every 8-year old American’s favorite team, Manchester City, but a defender can only impact a team so much when it’s lacking in other areas. Shaqiri has moved on to assisted living in the MLS, but he might still have a couple moments of magic left in him. Such as this:

The Swiss won’t win a match. 3 and out seems likely. [Insert Iowa Joke].

Now, Hungary. After going almost 40 years without qualifying for the Euros, Hungary are set to play in their third straight tournament. Only Hungarians knew that stat. Led by Liverpool’s Dominik Szoboszlai (you’ll see a Tik Tok of people trying to pronounce his name at some point this summer I’m sure), Hungary will be competitive. Their match against Scotland on June 23rd will decide who qualifies alongside Germany from this group. It’s a shame though that Hungary will be playing in the blandest kits of Euro 2024. Hungary v. Switzerland at 9am on June 15th is one for the true fans (degenerates). If you’re watching that know that I am proud.

Prediction: 1) Germany 2) Scotland 3) Hungary 4) Switzerland

Best Bet: Switzerland to finish last in Group A (+350)

Death by Bunt

I’ve already been blocked by one Georgia team account (we’ll get to that story come basketball season, just know initials TC and I are not friends), so I will refrain from anything too strongly worded to say about this performance.

I don’t know why I expected something different from Georgia in our first super regional in 16 years, but I did and still do frankly. Despite completely forgetting that teams are allowed to bunt and playing outfield like you’re waiting for Simon says go, the Dawgs have it all to play for the next two days. Apologies to Dillon Carter for the outfield comment. Carter made two incredible plays that sadly will never be remembered because Georgia had 8 Marcel Ozunas in the field.

Losing 18-1 is so bad it’s good for the Dawgs. Wes Johnson was able to know early on that we had no chance and chose to pitch accordingly. A loss counts the same no matter how it comes, so better to lose immediately (an 11-run inning will do that to ya) than in a one-run game where you lose your best arms. A legitimate concern is that Georgia doesn’t have the best arms to begin with, but gotta trust that an offense that was consistently one of the best in the country will muster more than 4 hits in the next game. Regardless, things are moving in the right direction and if it’s another 16 years before we’re in a super regional then we likely hired Tom Crean as our baseball coach.

Keep the faith. Go Dawgs.

Shoutout Squeeze Play: 2024 Super Regionals Preview

ESPN actually did something good for once and created Squeeze Play in 2021 to allow the indoctrinated to watch the chaos of college baseball regionals. College baseball is somewhat of a hidden gem in American sports. Baseball is already an extremely random game, so when you add in metal bats and college kids things get wild.

If you don’t know what Squeeze Play is I’m sorry. Imagine Redzone but instead of 8 games of 4-4 teams from the rust belt running the same 10 plays, it’s 32 games of pure chaos. It’s like watching Tenet for 10 hours (which maybe Tenet was that long idk). Nobody knows what the hell is going on but who cares because a guy just shot a gun backwards. It’s awesome. If you missed out on Squeeze Play this year just hope ESPN doesn’t decide it needs to add another Stephen A segment in its place on why the Cowboys haven’t declared Lebron the best player of all time.

On to the preview we go:

Knoxville Super Regional: Hillbillies (-1400) v. Evansville (+800)

Tennessee is trying to win their first ever baseball national championship. They have what is likely the best offense in the country, and the most obnoxious fanbase. A deadly combo at home against a 4-seed. Evansville winning the Greenville Regional over ECU was a great story. The Aces have legitimate players in OF Mark Shallenberger (17 HRs) and pitcher Shane “the leg” Harris (nickname from being a high school kicker), but unfortunately not enough to stop the Urnge.

Pick: Tennessee in 2.

Lexington Super Regional: Kroger Cats (-140) v. Oregon State (+110)

Oregon State baseball is the last team left standing from the Pac-12 in any sport. Once they lose it’ll be the end of an era and a smear on college athletics. Pitiful that it’s come to this. Oregon State is a true blue blood in baseball and has won a national championship more recently than the bluest-blood Kentucky basketball. The Cats have never made it to Omaha, but they have an elite pitching staff this year to get them there. RIP Pac-12, you will be missed.

Pick: Kentucky in 3.

College Station Super Regional: Texa$ A&M (-425) v. Oregon (+300)

Here’s a shocking stat: Texas A&M has never won a national title in baseball. Sorry, that’s probably only shocking to the people who consider TexAgs a news source. It’s impossible to take the people who gave Jimbo $77 million to stop working seriously. A&M is the guy who shows up to dinner in a Porsche then asks his friend if he can spot him on the bill. I promise he’ll Venmo you! Oregon, I’m sorry you have to go to College Station, but at least Phil Knight will probably give you 10 new jerseys for a three-game series.

Pick: Ducks in 3.

Chapel Hill Regional: UNC (-280) v. West Virginia (+210)

Major respect to WVU head coach Randy Mazey for giving up the private jet to his players after they made it to their first ever super regional. I won’t go into the fact that they played in the only regional without an SEC or ACC team in it. Instead, I’ll just question why he chose to eat lo mein noodles with a sweet tea. Both these teams have sure-fire first round players: OF Vance Honeycutt (UNC) and SS JJ Wetherholt. UNC took out reigning national champ LSU in the Chapel Hill regional, and had one of the best moments on Squeeze Play last weekend with a walk-off grand slam in their opening game.

Pick: Mountaineers in 3.

Clemson Super Regional: Dabo’s Cult (-165) v. Jorts (+135)

I’ll put aside my bias (if any) and say that Jac Caglianone is the second best player in the country. But, that’s about all I got for the fightin’ Sun Belt Billies. Clemson couldn’t beat Georgia this year (and won’t in September), but they’re a legitimate title contender and should handle Florida this weekend.

Pick: Clemson in 3.

Athens Super Regional: Dawgs (-150) v. NC State (+120)

About damn time the Dawgs won a home regional. First super regional since 2008 is both exciting and a humble reminder of life at non-Kirby Smart Georgia. “Always teasing never pleasing” to use the wise words of Frank the Tank. On Friday afternoon, when Army was pushing us to the limit I had flashbacks of Campbell and Fresno St. and all the others in between. Turns out it was just Wes Johnson respecting the troops. Then, we won the regional in the most satisfying way possible by letting the nerds think they had a chance. As Georgia fans we don’t get much out of a win versus Tech, but there is not a worse team to lose a game to. Good job Dawgs.

Oh yeah, NC State. They’re a scary team that has a deep pitching staff. It’s not gonna be easy, but the Dawgs and Charlie Condon are 32-5 at Foley this year. Make it 34-5.

Pick: Dawgs in 2.

Tallahassee Regional: Florida State (-350) v. Uconn Lakers (+255)

Yes, Uconn basketball has won back-to-back national championships in basketball, but this is a baseball school now that Hurley is off to be Lebron’s babysitter in LA (Geno Auriemma please don’t read this). The Huskies have now been to super regionals in 2/3 years and are trying to get to Omaha for the first time since 1979. Meanwhile, Florida State is probably busy filing another lawsuit against the ACC to try and join a conference that doesn’t want them.

Pick: Uconn in 3.

Charlottesville Regional: Hoos (-300) v. Kansas State (+220)

Kansas State plays baseball about how you would expect they would. In an ode to Bill Snyder and running the same offense for 90 years, the baseball team still bunts runners over to second base and steals more bases than almost anyone in the country. The difference is that in baseball this is fun to watch (yes, Chris Klieman has modernized the football team but just go with it). The little apple’s finest are going to be a tough test for Virginia who has struggled to pitch consistently all season. The Hoos do have an elite offense though with every single hitter batting above .300 this season. Griff O’Farrell is an electric lead-off hitter and worth a watch.

Pick: Hoos in 3.

If you’re inclined to make a parlay of these picks you would win $0, but your odds would be +28757.

TBT: Plays, Games, Players you Forgot

First up on our weekly segment of plays, games, or players you forgot about: Travis Leslie ending Demarcus Cousins’ career (took a little to set in but this was when the decline started trust me). Enjoy.

And a couple more Travis dunks here:

NFLification Strikes Again

College football just can’t help itself at the moment. We are inching closer and closer to having a league of 32 schools and a 17-game schedule where you’re forced to play Iowa three times a year. A logo on the 50 or on the 20 isn’t a huge deal by itself, but it’s just a stepping stone on the current trend of money-grabbing that has escalated since schools realized nobody is actually in charge anymore.

Get excited for Zaxby’s Stadium at Sanford-Dooley Field presented by Roger Goodell everybody. Kentucky is already ahead of the times with Kroger field, although I’m sure 75% of their fanbase probably sees the sign and thinks it’s an actual Kroger while they’re on their way to Rupp Arena. Notice that Rupp Arena isn’t Kroger Arena. Even though Cal’s gone you’ll never be the man Mr. Stoops. You’ll always have that 11 minute drive to cut it to 17 points though!

A Hawks Fan’s Guide to the NBA Finals

So, I would imagine that this is going to be a yearly segment. Every Hawks fan at this point in the year has either forgotten the Hawks exist or is trying to figure out what foreign center the Hawks are going to waste a second-round pick on (hopefully not this is a sad existence). Alpha Kaba we’re looking at you, sir. But, since they moved to Atlanta the Hawks have never made a finals. In fact, the Hawks have only ever won two games in the Conference Finals (would’ve made the finals if Trae didn’t sprain his ankle or if Lebron played football at Ohio State instead). This leaves us with the yearly task of trying to figure out which team winning in June makes us feel better about ourselves. Let me make this decision for you.

2024 is going to be particularly tough in this department: we have the Celtics and the Mavs. It says a lot about the Hawks that our fanbase would consider the Celtics one of our biggest rivals. The Celtics probably think about the Hawks as much as the Dawgs think about Vandy (for the uneducated google Vandy o-line Alabama). Although, I’d argue that Zaza Pachulia gave KG a bigger scare than James Franklin did to Todd Grantham. Examples of both below for your own entertainment/decision. Thank you for your service at Florida btw Todd.

Hawks (at least the Atlanta version) have never beaten the Celtics in a playoff series, 0-9. The Celtics were also responsible for Dominique never getting past the second round in Atlanta. A feat Joel Embiid is determined to accomplish as well. Now, you also have to consider the whole Boston sports fan thing, but eh who cares if they win another one. Tatum and Brown probably deserve to finally win one and Jrue Holiday seems like a good guy. Peyton Pritchard looks like he should be asking for the next game at the Y though.

This leaves Dallas. As a former Trae Young truther, this has been painful. Particularly so that a future Hawk, Anthony Edwards, put up such a pitiful fight in defending his hometown’s honor in the last round. Shoutout KAT for absolutely nothing.

Draft night 2018 will haunt Hawks fans for eternity. For years with a straight face I tried to rationalize the fact that the Hawks didn’t trade Trae for unnamed guard, LD. “We also got Cam Reddish and what turned into Deandre Hunter!” AAU-legend Cam Reddish is going to be coaching AAU in 12 months, and Deandre Hunter couldn’t dribble through a cone drill at any of the local basketball camps happening this summer. Hawks gonna Hawk.

There were several voices post-2018 draft that said LD wouldn’t fit in Atlanta, and that it made sense for the Hawks to trade for assets and someone proven in the college game. But uh, the dude that lost to Rhode Island in the first round of the NCAA tournament v. the guy who won a Euroleague title where they’re literally allowed to shoot flares at you is an interesting choice.

This leaves us an existential question. Are we going to be bitter and cheer against a player and a team who has no actual rivalry with the Hawks? Or are we going to cheer against our rival who doesn’t even know a rivalry exists?

If you’re a Hawks fan you better be dressed as a Leprechaun if you have to be.

Hawks won the trade. Celtics in 4. (7).

Welcome to Georgia-ish

Well, I guess this is my attempt to try and start sharing unsolicited opinions about topics in the sports world without making people read (or ignore) texts in a group chat. I’ve thought about creating a space where I can share what I find interesting or what I think is going to happen in X game or X league for awhile, so hell let’s give it a try.

The idea and the attempt at this blog is definitely inspired by a website I visited religiously for years, Get the Picture. Senator Blutarsky, RIP, created a masterpiece of a blog dedicated to Georgia Football. He cultivated a voice that is irreplaceable in not just the world of Georgia football but in the world of sports as a whole. I mean by the time he unfortunately passed, he had an entire lexicon on his site that defined many terms and nicknames that had become common parlance on the blog. Chief among those being the term “Dawgrade” which as we all know is the act of ESPN or the wider media, but mostly Mickey, downgrading a Georgia accomplishment for no other reason than it was Georgia that did it. It’s not every day that a free blog ran by a single person is known around the sports media world, and his presence has been and will continue to be missed by many.

No, I’m not trying to recreate Get the Picture. That’s impossible. And plus I don’t think Senator would’ve had too much interest in English soccer (football for the stuck-up among us) or whether Trae Young needs to find his way out of the state of Georgia (he does). Although, Senator had a soft spot for Deandre Hunter, and admittedly I do not. Instead, I plan on using this to write posts about what I would otherwise be speaking into the abyss of a group chat or other non-consenting audiences. So, there’s your warning for reading what’s to come. You chose to, I just wrote it.

Go Dawgs and welcome.